Gazebo Soccer

Inspired by the classic “Capture-the-Flag with Stuff”.

The basic rules of Gazebo Soccer are that of an extremely casual soccer game. Here are the key suggested differences:


  • The size of the field, the size of the goal, and the number of players per team are all extremely flexible. In other words, take what you can get.

  • Don’t worry about using yellow/red cards for fouls. Just make sure no one gets too hurt, and pause the game for a quick change of posession if anyone takes a minor “foul” or handball.

  • Don’t worry about offsides, especially if you’re playing on a smaller field.

  • Play in 15 minute quarters, or even in 15 minutes games if you want to emulate a wacky sort of tournament.


There is also one more different rule, but it’s the most important: the referree has magical powers. To play Gazebo Soccer, one extra player should stand aside to be the ref.

The ref’s job is to dish out discipline by the prolific use of cards and whistle. The whistle is simple:


  • one blow to pause play, with everyone stopped where they where

  • two blows to resume play

  • three blows to end a quarter


Meanwhile, the players are encourage to emulate a key aspect of professional soccer: wild dives and atrocious acting. A player should feel free to feign injury, insult and severe emotional turmoil in wake of their opponent’s actions. Both parties should raise their hands towards their ref in grave expressions of victimization and/or innosense. The following are all cardable offenses:

  • overly aggressive play

  • wasting time

  • bad sportsmanship

  • grabbing of clothing

  • handballs

  • lying

  • cheating

  • stealing

  • grand theft auto

  • being offsides (which, for the purposes of this game, means “nothing”)


Nonetheless, the ref should only pull up a card at random and at whim, whenever she feels the game needs spicing up. When the time is right, she should pause teh game and pick either the agressor or the victim, and pick one of the cards at random.

Note that the ref has a deck of many different colored cards, and this is where it gets interesting.

Yellow Card: Sorta Warning. The ref is insulted gravely by the ref, and is considered “warned”. If the player is yellow-carded a second time, she will have to leave the field for the rest of the quarter.

Red Card: Sorta Ejection. The ref isn’t hurt, but simply disappointed in the player. This player must immediately leave the field for the rest of the quarter.

Black Card: Ninja Loot! While the game is paused, the target player can run over to where the ball is, pick it up, run back to where she originally was, and resume play with the ball. If she already has the ball, she can put it anywhere on the field she likes and resume play.

Purple Card: Quad Damage! When this card is drawn, it will remain held up in the air for 40 seconds. During this time, any goals count fourt times.

Orange Card: Lighting Bolt! Target player points at any other player on the field. That player is instantly ZAPPED, and is out of the game for the rest of the quarter.

Green Card: Cure Light Wounds! Target player points at a currently sidelined player. This player can come back on the field now. The player MUST use this effect on a sidelined player if possible, even from the other team.

Grey Card: Gandalf! Target player must run and yell “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!” All opponents are immediately pushed back to their own goal line. The target player is then out of the game for the rest of the quarter.

Blue Card: ICEBOLT! Target player selects another player. That player is now frozen in place for thirty seconds, and must pass the time by making bad puns relating to snow or ice.
Pink Card: Communism! One point is transferred from the winning team to the losing team. If the teams are tied, then both teams lose 1 point.
It should go without saying, but: add your own cards!

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